God's Weirdest Creations

Man is said to be the most intelligent of all the animals, and without a doubt the weirdest too.Yes, even weirder than dogs, which smell each others you know what! Weirdness can either be innate or acquired. Some lucky people are born insane, and the others acquire it, since insanity very much like laughter is contagious. Observing human behavior is my favourite hobby/obsession/interest, so this post is dedicated to God's Weirdest Creation-Man. (but for all you atheists out there, let's just call them freaks of nature.)

Teenagers: They get into trouble, fall prey to peer pressure, easily mistake infatuation for love, get pimples and freak out for the littlest of things. There isn't really a better way to describe teenagers. Here's a glimpse of the teenagers today:

Smoka and I, while texting each other;
Smoka: OMG! Guess which song I was just humming?
Me: Hannah Montana?
Smoka: Worse! Taylor Swift-Love Story! I bet I have a twin sister and she was humming that song! That's the only logical explanation...
Me: Lol. Your twin sister IS Taylor Swift! Have you seen her hair?!
Smoka: *gasps for air* I have to go listen to Iron Maiden right now! This can't be happening to me! *switches on the comp' listens to Iron Maiden, heaves a sigh of relief* I almost died!
Me: *looks at the ridiculous message* : |*doesn't know how to react to her cousin's frivolous over-reaction*

You would know that a guy is gay when he asks for lotion and then complains that he can't find the lip balm. But some guys are bipolar to such an extent that they have the audacity to ask for a lap dance, even after the whole lip balm incident. And a few other guys needn't be talked about, their coconut hair and their stoic nature does the talking for them.

There are a few others who are hilariously weird without making an effort. For example:
Smoka: What's the formula for compound interest?
Das: Dude, I don't know chemistry that well!

Weird People with even weirder lingos: Lingo's are just a weird way of expressing individuality. Lingos are unique to one's existence. Some people are unaware about the existence of punctuation marks, some are expressionless,i.e, don't know how to use smileys, and others are just plain funky! Different people have different ways of saying 'What's up?'; Wassup? Waddup? So sup? Wat u doin? Mel yen idhe? And the funkiest I've seen so far is "Wassa?"

Parents: Sometimes overprotective, sometimes supportive, sometimes ridiculously 'encouraging' us towards Independence, sometimes abnormally generous. Have you ever seen anyone as fickle minded and yet so firm in their decisions, as parents?

Drunkards: This category was created especially for Ram Kumar, whom I recently saw for the very first time. He was talking to a tree...'nough said.

Soap-stars: Or you can call them, wanna-be-film-stars, so desperate for publicity and popularity that they are willing to make-out or break-up with their partners only in the presence of a camera. Of course, the maker of the soap operas is the mother of all weirdos-Ekta Kapoor! Rakhi Sawant, who was dieing for a husband with such desperation that she held her own Swayamwar, is not far behind. Wasn't anyone normal willing to marry her that she was ready to marry any Tom, Dick or Harry, who was willing to. Don't you pity the fool who married her?

Geeks and Geniuses: Quote Sheldon: I wouldn't love my son the same if he didn't know whether to differentiate or integrate to find the area under a curve!
I had this geeky intelligent classmate, who fell on his head while trying to catch the ball while playing cricket. After sometime, a kid came up to him and asked him who the second president of India was. He couldn't quite place a finger on the answer, so he freaked out so much and starting weeping claiming that the fall had made him lose his intelligence, and started to blame his poor fielding techniques. Only when none of us could answer the little kid's question, was he convinced that he was in fact normal before and after the "accident". Intelligent huh?

People 'round the world are weird in their own, unique way, that's what makes psychiatry so fascinating. And coming from me, insanity is not a insult but a compliment.

8 Hours Of God-Knows-What!

The most awaited movie of the year-Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince-(according to me at least) had finally released. Smoka and I had decided to watch the movie at The Forum Mall, over the weekend, though Smoka was being a reluctant jackass about it! Our initial plan was that we would go to the mall at around 11 in the morning and buy tickets for the afternoon show around 3. There were a lot of things that were contributing towards foiling our little plan.
Firstly, Smoka got in touch with her feminine side that morning and took what seemed like a million years to get ready! We ended up reaching the mall at 1 o' clock.
Secondly, Smoka had some important business plans with her friend.
Thirdly, every damn show was sold out! I had checked the newspaper that morning and there was a show almost at every hour. The only available show was the 6:30 show, which was close to impossible since my parents wanted their darling daughter to be home before nightfall! Whatever! Only after a lot of convincing(done by Smoka, of course) and a little bit of lying, did my parents agree to come and pick us up by 8. Here's where the lie comes in, we told my parents that the movie would begin at 5 and end by 8. If they had the slightest clue that the movie was 2 and a half hours long and would start only by 6:30, then we would have been heading back home, then and there!
Fourthly, our seats were separate. We were placed in the last row and were separated by 26 seats. Do you know how many seats there are in the last row? 28! Smoka had half a mind of walking out of the movie theatre if she was made to watch the movie without me!
And lastly, WE LOST THE TICKETS! Or at least, thought we did! I clearly remember collecting the tickets from the counter and looking at the seat numbers and stuff, and then I handed them to Smoka! The irresponsible girl that she is, blindly dumped it into her bag! A few hours later she couldn't remember where-the-hell she had put them! After about fifteen minutes into the panic attack and complete scrutinising of the bag, we found the tickets neatly sitting in the folder! After a huge sigh of relief we continued on our journey of doing nothing at the mall!

If you had 5 whole hours and only 400Rs.(which came down from 3800Rs.) to spend at a mall what would you have done? Smoka suggested we could go watch Transformers 2...But there was no way in hell I would spend my money to watch a noisy, sci-fi movie! If it was my parents' money, well, that's a different issue! There isn't a thing in Forum which a normal person can afford. So we went to a place opposite to JNC. Everything there was so cute, but nothing was either wearable or my type. I ended up buying my first pair of funky chappals there. They looked fabulous but little did I know that things which were so cute would be nibbling at my poor toes! So we just roamed and roamed and roamed some more till our legs fell off! We then went to have lunch at McDonalds. Chairs never felt so great! BTW, the people at McDonalds have no respect for vegetarians. The last thing I would do is recommend a Veggie burger if your going to McDonalds.

Oh! I mustn't forget to mention that The Forum Mall is filled with all kinds of specimen. Each one different from the other, yet equally weird. Here's a little list:
1. The guy who stood in front of us, while buying the ticket. He had on a Iron Maiden t-shirt and was Smoka's hair-sake! When the counter guy told him that his seats would be separate he smirked and said "It's okay, we're not girls!" He paid for the tickets and walked off...Without collecting them! He was probably full of himself, coming up with wise guy cracks.
2. The cleaning lady at the toilet who was giving a lesson to a girl about the etiquette's, of using a public toilet!
3. The girl who wore low-waist jeans and had zero knowledge about how to carry them off. Quote Smoka: "We saw her butt cleavage!"
4.The guy on the escalator who was trying to dance to Rihanna's Umbrella.

Though there were a lot of weird people out there, there are other nice people too, who give in to the simple requests of sweet innocent girls. Thank you, chubby lonely uncle for switching seats with Smoka.

When 6:30 finally arrived, I was so grateful to the God of Time, since Smoka had been bugging me wth the same line from 1:30: Is it six-thirty yet? Is it six-thirty yet? Is it six-thirty yet?
I know Smoka wont agree with me on this (Hell-With-Her!) but when the movie finally ended at 9:15, it was totally worth the wait.

Vijay Mallya?

Aah..Vijay Mallya! The man who lives life king size.The big shot whose life is filled with cash,babes,cars,booze, and what not! The very 1st Indian to own a F1 team. The proud owner of Kingfisher airlines, IPL team Royal Challengers Bangalore and the Indian Empress.
If you're thinking that this post is a 'tribute ' to him, or RCB, then you're sadly mistaken.
This post is a retort to a certain post which supposedly proves my (non-existent) stupidity.You might have read the above mentioned post here.

Here's my version a.k.a the true version of the incident:
Smoka was over at my place. I was going through the contacts on her phone and came across the name: Vijay- wait for it-MALLYA! The convo goes something like this...
Me: OMG! Vijay Mallya? *giving her a you-better-have-a-good-explanation-for-this-look*
Smoka: Yea man. This P is there no,she's friends with Vijay mallya's son. I got it from her...It's one of his numbers.
(She was supposedly smirking at that time but I couldn't quite see it, cause we were sitting in the dark, as the damn power was out. Otherwise I would have totally seen through her evilness!)

After like a million are-you-sures and really?s, I believed her.
Please note that:
1.We were rained out.
2.There was a power cut.
3.I just needed a way to pass time.
before you begin to judge me based on my following actions.

I picked up my cell phone and dialled Vijay Mallya's number and waited for it to ring. After about three rings, a male voice answers. I immediately cut the call. Smoka and I burst out with fits of laughter. Little did I know that this scheming little rat was 'muahahaha'ing instead of 'haha'ing.
After the laughter subsided, just to spice things up a little more, I messaged that very number saying "Vijay Mallya?" That person called back on my phone, we picked up but neither of us answered. He mumbled something to himself (they sounded a lot like Kannada swear words, though)and cut the call.
We never bothered to bother Mr.Mallya from then on.

Later while we were having dinner, Smoka said to me "It wasn't actually Vijay Mallya man. I was just pulling your leg." If only we weren't surrounded by so many witnesses at the dinner table, I would have spanked her like there was no tomorrow.

In my defence: I was bored and just needed something interesting in order to pass time. Moreover, the P. being friends with Vijay Mallya's son part was 100% believable, cause it was absolutely true. And most importantly I got to know that the person who took the call was not anyone remotely related to Mr. Mallya, the second he said "Halla"

Here's to Alcohol

The cause of...and solution to all of life's problems.

One would know a typical alcoholic as someone who aimlessly roams the streets after a night out at the bar. Ever heard of a drunkard who gives away free advice, gets philosophical whenever possible and can speaks the Kannada language fluently even after gulping down about 10 quarters.

One such drunkard is the one who roams the streets of RR.Nagar every night. He's basically a drunkard cum beggar. He has this unique style of begging. He doesn't say the usual "Amma-thayi" slogan. He only asks for food from a typical kannadigan family. But there's nothing typical about this drunkard. Unlike others, he doesn't talk non-sense, he doesn't wobble when he walks and he is unfaithful to his wife. He speaks passionately about the Kannada language and the importance of speaking in our mother tongue.The things he says will make you want to ponder upon them. Personally, it gives me a feeling of satisfaction that there's someone out there who is a lot crazier than I am and is doing a lot worse in life than me. He's an amazing orator. He makes it a point to pick a new topic to speak on everyday. Every night he walks by street, I drop whatever it is that I am doing and keenly listen to him.

The very first time that I heard him, I thought he talking over the phone. When I peeked through my window (after a lot of apprehension)to my surprise I found that he was in fact talking to himself. He was all alone. Then he starting calling out to all the Kannadigas in the neighbourhood and requested them to quench the thirst of a fellow Kannadiga. That's when Bruno started barking uncontrollably. The drunkard had no other choice but to leave.

Once, he had even brought his drunk friend along with him from the bar. He was explaining to him about the importance of family. He said that, no matter how much you drink, you should never cheat on your wife, you shall never be harsh on your children. This man must be one of those art of living Swamijis who just got bored of it so he just decided to get high.

Recently he spoke about Dr. Raj Kumar. And how he left his family all alone and went holidaying to Heaven. Lol. He was saying that he's a lot better as the son of the of Karnataka than Raj Kumar ever was. And that he would never let death keep him from loving and respecting his motherland, and supporting his family. For the very first time he said his name out loud. His exact words words were "You have Ram.Kumar's word that I shall always remain this land's son."

Now as these streets have become familiar to Ram.Kumar, and Ram.Kumar has become familiar to Bruno.
This would have to one of the most unusual things that I have witnessed and as a to-be-psychiatrist I am much interested to know what compelled Ram.Kumar to become a drunkard, what kind of psychological disorder does he have and how the hell does he talk so fluently in Kannada!